Your Business Probably Sucks. Let Me Tell You Why.

Stop paying consultants to blow smoke up your ass. Get a brutal, honest audit of your website, product, or service with zero sugar-coating and 100% actionable fixes.

The Problem With Most "Audits"

You get a 50-page PDF filled with obvious crap you already know.

Generic BS

Agencies charge $5k for recommendations that never get implemented.

Overpriced Fluff

Everyone's afraid to hurt feelings. Your business dies slowly from kindness.

Too Polite

How I'll Trash Your Business

Simple, brutal, effective.

1

You Send Me Your Stuff

Website URL, app access, product demo. Whatever you want destroyed (constructively).

2

I Tear It Apart

I spend 2-3 hours finding all the shitty things: UX disasters, broken flows, confusing copy, ugly design, technical issues. Everything.

3

You Get The Truth

A comprehensive report with screenshots, prioritized issues, and specific fixes.

4

You Fix It (Or Don't)

You get a clear roadmap. What you do with it is up to you.

What's In Your Trash Report

UX/UI Audit

Every confusing button, broken flow, and rage-inducing experience.

Copy & Messaging

Where your words suck, where they're unclear, where you sound like everyone else (or like AI).

Technical Issues

Slow load times, broken links, mobile disasters, SEO nightmares.

Conversion Killers

Why people bounce. Why they don't buy. Why your signup flow is garbage.

Design Critique

What looks amateur. What doesn't match. What screams "I made this in Canva."

Prioritized Fixes

Fix these 3 things first. Then these 5. Then worry about the rest.

Get Your Business Trashed

One price. No BS. Clear results.

Business Trash Audit

450

One-time payment

2-3 hour deep dive audit
Comprehensive written report
Annotated screenshots
Prioritized fix list
Specific recommendations
30-min follow-up call
Delivered in 3 business days
Book Your Audit

Money-back guarantee: If you don't find at least 3 critical issues worth fixing, full refund.

Limited availability: I only take 5 audits per month to maintain quality.

Questions

Who the hell are you?

Luis. Former PM with 5+ years experience across sales, marketing, and product. I've seen what makes products succeed and what makes them fail. Now I help founders spot issues before they become expensive problems.

Is this just you being mean?

The goal is honest criticism tied to a specific fix to help you improve, not to roast you for fun.

What if my business is early stage?

Perfect. Better to fix critical issues now than after you've spent 6 months going in the wrong direction.

What can't you audit?

Anything that requires deep domain expertise (like medical devices or rocket science). Stick to digital products, websites, SaaS, apps. Things I can evaluate as a user and PM.

What if I disagree with your feedback?

Totally fine. You know your business better than me. Take what's useful, ignore what's not. But at least you'll have an outside perspective.

Do you implement the fixes?

No. I tell you what's broken and how to fix it. If you need someone to implement, I may be able to recommend people.

Ready to Face Reality?

Stop guessing what's wrong. Get the brutal truth and fix it.

Book Your Audit - €450

Or email me: luis@trashmy.biz